Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Way it Smells™

Ok, I'm doing the usual, Googling companies mentioned in some article related to people who look like they might be New Age thieves, and I find myself at a corporate site that smells kinda funny. To give a taste:

The Genuine Leadership™ System helps you develop great leaders that are critical to attracting and retaining top talent and to executing against corporate strategy.
The Achieving Superior Sales Performance™ System grows revenue by increasing sales effectiveness at every level, from the executive suite to the frontline teams.
The Stellar Service™ Experience infuses critical service skills to retain and build loyalty in an era where customers have more choices and lower switching barriers than ever before.
Weird smell #1: this thing -->™. What is up with so much trademark protection?

Well, people trademark stuff that is valuable. So maybe the repeated ™ is meant to convince us that this company has packaged info into some particularly valuable chunks.

But how are we to judge whether Achieving Superior Sales Performance™, Genuine Leadership™, or Stellar Service™ are truly valuable things? I suspect we will have to pay up front for the answer. Hey, kinda like Scientology, amirite?

Weird smell #2: Modifier overload. The award winning writing style of this world-class web site is not only notable for its top-notch adjectives, but also for its unparalleled adverbial assaults. The repetitive eHyperbole™ creates an impression of content even when none is present.

Sales Effectiveness eLearning: Your only choice for creative blended solutions that deliver the results.

It's not about technology. It's about finding the best way to improve performance.

AchieveGlobal’s business eLearning programs have a strategic approach to determining when technology makes sense. Our ever-expanding portfolio of effective, high-quality business eLearning products allow you to create the right balance of media for your specific needs.

This shit really puts me to sleep. How do people in MBA or Human Resources degree programs survive their studies?