Wednesday, March 4, 2009

WARNING: REEDING BAD FUR IQ

I am learning about my complementary and alternative government.
Conventional medicine is medicine as practiced by holders of M.D. (medical doctor) or D.O. (doctor of osteopathy) degrees and by their allied health professionals, such as physical therapists, psychologists, and registered nurses.
And there you have it: Conventional medicine is what doctors do. Doctors are practitioners of conventional medicine.
CAM is a group of diverse medical and health care systems, practices, and products that are not presently considered to be part of conventional medicine.
Thus we see that CAM and conventional medicine are different. You can tell because they are in different piles.
The list of what is considered to be CAM changes continually, as those therapies that are proven to be safe and effective become adopted into conventional health care and as new approaches to health care emerge... [my bold]

Integrative medicine combines treatments from conventional medicine and CAM for which there is some high-quality evidence of safety and effectiveness.
Wait. You just said that CAM therapies proven safe and effective become part of conventional medicine. Now you're defining a hybrid category that mixes conventional medicine and CAM, but only the CAM bits shown to be safe and effective.

WAI MAI HEAD HURTZ?!!!?!

There are four types of CAM practices:

1. Mind-Body Medicine (meditation, prayer, mental healing)
2. Biologically Based Practices (herbs, foods, vitamins)
3. Manipulative and Body-Based Practices (chiropractic, massage)
4. Energy Medicine (biofield therapies, bioelectromagnetic-based therapies)

That last one may need some 'splainin':
Biofield therapies are intended to affect energy fields that purportedly surround and penetrate the human body. The existence of such fields has not yet been scientifically proven.
Hope that's clear: biofielders manipulate something that is not there, apparently.
NCCAM's mission is to explore complementary and alternative healing practices in the context of rigorous science, train CAM researchers, and disseminate authoritative information to the public and professionals.
AARRGGHH!!!

INVIZIBUL ENERGY FEELDZ???!!!

DAT NO EXIST???

SCIENCE NO CAN HAZ!!!11!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4 comments:

  1. Teh Stooopid - wai duz it burnz uz? Teh stoopid wontz uz ded, wai duz it wontz to killz uz? Noes to dat stoopid, we wantz edukated kittehs givvin uz da info!

    Bloody hell, what utter rot!

    I cannot fathom a lot of teh stoopid but stuff like this gets on my tits!

    Energy fields? WTF???

    This must be really grating for people in the medical profession who have spent sleepless nights cramming and studying to become who they are and then to have these crackpot imbeciles pitch up and say shit like this!

    They are basically saying, as you correctly pointed out, this has not been tested....but it could work...sort of...!


    Why do people want to explore alternatives when the best medical knowledge is available already? I don't understand, why does it have to be this difficult?

    Right, we can cure your disease with this medicine that has 100% proven record, this is what cures it so you never suffer again.... or you like we can get you to stand near the "Energy Fields" and hope for the best!


    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

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  3. Authoritative Information on Energy Fields: Public Briefing Number One-

    1) There's still absolutely no evidence that they exist.

    2) Our practitioners are skilled in manipulating these fields to improve your physical and mental health.

    3) It will only cost you $100 per weekly session.

    4) Form an orderly line.

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  4. No no, really, invisible fields, midi-chlorians, the FoRcE! These guys now are the future's "A Long Long Time Ago..." One will get so strung out on acid that his body will shrink and turn green, with tufts of grey hair sprouting over his pointy ears.

    I guess this means that we'll have to be all smart and scientific, forming an "empire" of some sort, using our science to create large quantities of some cloned beings to do manual labour and maintain the order of the proletariat...

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